BY MIKE HAINES
I spent twenty years learning how to be attractive to women. I was lonely and shy during my teenage years and I tried just about everything to increase my desirability to the opposite sex.
I did what everyone told me to do: I improved my appearance as much as possible. I got a good haircut, worked out regularly, and took advice from female friends about how to dress.
By the time I was about 17, girls sometimes commented on how handsome I was.
Yet I couldn’t get a date. I’d never had a girlfriend. Everyone I knew was having sex except for me and I was dying inside because of it.
At the root of my failure with girls was a single (false) assumption:
that women are attracted to the same things men are.
My train of reasoning was:
- I’m attracted to beautiful women
- Women must be attracted to beautiful men
- I should therefore focus my energy on appearing beautiful, and then women will be attracted to me
The more I failed with women, the harder I tried to make myself physically attractive.
I did “jawline exercises” every day to try to make my jaw look more defined. I attempted using “face masks” and other girly shit to improve my skin. I fantasised about getting plastic surgery to straighten my hook nose, and wondered how long it would be until I could afford such an operation.
None of it worked. Focusing on making myself appear beautiful did not make me more attractive to women.
If anything it did the opposite. I became so hyper-focused on how I looked that I couldn’t behave normally around people. I was scared to leave my house without styling my hair perfectly, or wearing the perfect outfit, and I didn’t feel comfortable talking to a girl unless my hair looked just right that day.
WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO DOMINANCE, NOT BEAUTY
Women aren’t attracted to beauty, but to dominance.
The majority of women want to be dominated in bed.
Women are hardwired to get off on being dominated the same way that men are hardwired to get their kicks from dominating.
Sexual attraction is largely about pleasure. If you look like you can pleasure a woman in bed (by dominating her in all the right ways) she will be attracted to you.
We call these: The Facts.
You can ignore the facts all you want and retreat into an imaginary fantasy world like most people do. But it will not help you.
I spent nearly 20 years ignoring The Facts.
This is because I’d been raised in a household, and in a culture, which taught me that “men and women are the same”.
When I figured out the reality that women want dominance, not beauty, my life miraculously started to change.
I got my first girlfriend. I lost my virginity. And with the help of some basic online resources, I learned “game” — that is, the art of walking up to a woman you’ve never met and seducing her in a matter of hours.
Since then, I’ve been with hundreds of women. Getting girls is easy to me now.
Going out to a club and picking up girls is as relaxing and pleasurable to me as video games are to some guys.
DO LOOKS MATTER AT ALL?
According to one argument, women are attracted to men with symmetrical facial features, a strong jaw, well-developed muscularity, and above-average height, because these traits indicate superior genes.
Yet I’m not handsome or tall, and I date beautiful women.
Scientists who study attraction believe that women want handsome men because that’s what women tell them in surveys.
Yet what women say and what they do are often two different things.
It’s a fact that most men are ugly.
If women preferred looks above all other characteristics then unattractive men would have been driven out of the genepool. Their genes would no longer exist.
What we find, instead, is the opposite. Handsome men are rare. Ugly men predominate.
The ironbound logic of natural selection forces us to conclude that women throughout history have mated with men based on preferences that were not entirely to do with looks.
The reality is that women are not nearly as attracted to handsomeness as they are to dominance.
In the ceaseless struggle for existence that is evolution by natural selection, dominance beats handsomeness every time. This is because dominant males are able to intimidate handsome males, and monopolise all the mates for themselves.
As such, if given the choice between mating with the most handsome male she can find, and the most dominant, women will always prefer the most dominant — because this gives her male offspring the best chance of surviving and replicating.
Dominant males have ruled human society with an iron fist for 200,000 years, and we will continue to do so. Women’s genes know this and so they prefer dominance in mates to beauty.
Justin Bieber vs. Ghengis Khan
In a competition for mates between handsome and ruthlessly dominant, handsome loses throughout 99.9% of human history.
For example, in today’s world, Justin Bieber — a handsome pretty boy — is widely desired by women.
But most of evolutionary history did not look anything like today’s world. Most of history was a nightmare of constant violence and danger.
Throughout the period in which humans evolved, women who used sex to ally themselves with men like Ghengis Khan were rewarded, whereas those who mated with the ancestral version of Justin Bieber had their genes rooted out of existence.
That’s why there are more men who look like Ghengis Khan than who look like Justin Bieber.
Women’s genes “know” that if a man lacks the quality of dominance, any male offspring she has with him are likely to be forcibly excluded from mating opportunities by the dominant males.
As such women will ALWAYS go for dominance over looks.
Don’t get me wrong. I still think you should make yourself look as good as possible. I lift heavy weights every day, I dress well, and I take care of myself.
You should do all those things too.
But don’t assume that’s going to move the needle much in making women attracted to you. It’s not.
Having a good haircut and a nice watch is cool on an aesthetic level. But it’s not going to make a girl’s panties wet.
The traits in men that make women horny are much more primal than all that surface level shit.
What do women want?
In a word, women want killers.
ATTRACT THE HOTTEST GIRLS BY BEING A KILLER:
THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE DICTATORS
To be sexually attractive to women, you have to be a killer.
This is because in our evolutionary environment, only killers survived. Everyone else had their genes rooted out of existence.
Today, most men have lost touch with their inner killer. Others have repressed it.
But deep down, every man has a killer inside him.
For some, the urge to dominate comes out in their porn preferences. Others indulge in violence video games to satisfy this primal drive.
If you want to attract women, you need to get in touch with your inner killer.
Become ruthless. Embrace the dark side.
Being a killer doesn’t mean being negative, or causing people harm.
On the contrary, killers usually have a happy and positive outlook, and they go out of their way to put people at ease around them. That’s because a truly effective killer is good at making social alliances, and knows that violence is counter-productive to his aims in almost all situations.
There are 7 characteristics of a killer. They are:
- Killer instinct
- Sense of humour
Most women can’t become physiologically aroused (i.e. wet) if you’re not dominant.
By dominant, I don’t mean that you should be grabbing women and forcing yourself on them.
Rather, I mean that you need to have a commanding personal presence which inspires respect among men and women alike.
EYE CONTACT. Look women in the eyes at all times. Never be the first to break eye contact with a woman.
“KINO”. Touch women casually as you speak to them. Touch her arm to emphasise points. Put your hand on her shoulder. Put your arm around her from time to time. Hug her in a fun way. Lightly ruffle her hair.
When I approach a girl, I use any excuse to hug her immediately. It displays dominance and women like it.
You probably think that hugging a woman immediately after meeting her seems “creepy” or “overbearing”.
That’s a beta male mindset. You need to get past it.
Dominant men aren’t afraid of touching people and getting physical. They see it as a way of bonding with their fellow human beings.
Touch women throughout conversations in a casual non-sexual way, and you’ll notice they are more attracted to you. Once you see the difference that touch makes, you’ll never go back to not touching women again.
VOICE CONTROL. Another key factor in conveying dominance is vocal control.
Women like loud men who have an infectious, booming laugh.
Again, your personal preference might be to be quiet and polite. This is understandable, especially if you personally hate dealing with loud, overbearing men and don’t want to be “that type of guy” yourself.
But I’m here to tell you that nature doesn’t give a shit about what you want, or your personal preferences.
NATURE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. Nature is a never-ending war fought by progressively more lethal killing machines, as engineered by the endless struggle of Darwinian selection.
And nature will root your genes out of existence if you don’t adapt to its needs.
Nature will reward you with high quality mates for being a loud, domineering asshole. It will punish you for being soft-spoken.
Women prefer men with dominant personalities and loud, booming voices. Just about the fastest way to get rejected by a woman is to speak too softly. (The second fastest way is to waver when you’re making eye contact.)
WOMEN ARE MACHINES. Think of women like finely calibrated computers for assessing your dominance.
All of their programming is exquisitely fine-tuned to take one look at you and determine in a second: is this man a KILLER?
A weak voice… poor eye contact… sloping posture: these things immediately betray weakness, and women will ruthlessly reject you until you get them under control.
Remember that sexual attraction is largely about pleasure. If you look like the kind of man who can dominate a woman in bed, she’ll be attracted to you.
So stare into her eyes the way you would if you were about to fuck her. Be loud. Be assertive. Be unapologetic.
You wouldn’t act like a neutered apologetic beta male if you got this beautiful girl into bed (I hope). So don’t act that way when you’re first meeting her. Start like you mean to go on.
#2: KILLER INSTINCT / AMBITION
Do you wake up every morning with a glint in your eye, eager to crush your enemies, dominate your career and impregnate every fertile 19 year old girl in your path?
If not, it’s probably because you lack killer instinct. And I’ll tell you right now that the biggest factor determining killer instinct is your testosterone levels.
TESTOSTERONE. Most men have low testosterone relative to what they would have had several thousand years ago, and as a result most men are literally physically incapable of attracting a woman.
Testosterone makes you more dominant, more aggressive, smarter, leaner, stronger, and more determined. It gives you the killer instinct which is essential for picking up girls.
You can raise your testosterone by lifting heavy weights, eating healthy (lots of nuts, fish, steak, eggs, greens, brocoli), and taking supplements like zinc, vitamin D, selenium and cod liver oil before you go to bed each night.
MENTALITY OF A KILLER. Killer instinct is a difficult thing to put into words. You know it when you feel it.
For example, when you’re walking down the street and suddenly you see a hot girl — if you’re a normal, healthy man with high testosterone, your immediate response to this should be a kind of low growl of lust. Then you find yourself approaching her without even having time to think about it.
If the above doesn’t happen to you on a regular basis, it’s probably because you’re masturbating too much.
MASTURBATION. Chronic masturbation is the #1 factor lowering men’s killer instinct these days.
To get killer instinct, quit masturbating.
Abstaining from ejaculation for just 7 days has been found to increase testosterone levels in men by 145%. (Study here)
It’s tough in the beginning, but after about 7 days you’ll feel like a man who just escaped prison and has been let loose on an all girl’s campus.
In other words, your game basically becomes unstoppable.
Quitting masturbating was probably the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.
Within a year of doing it, I went from having had sex with about 5 girls to roughly 30.
I started attracting women who were way out of my league, and getting offered sex so often that I actually had to start rejecting girls on a daily basis.
SOCIAL ENGINEERING. In recent decades, the modern feminist movement has pushed hard to promote masturbation among men because they believe it will lower incidences of rape.
They’re right. In the past several decades, as masturbation has become “normalised”, rape and violent crime have indeed gone down.
But so have male testosterone levels — and with them, male happiness and satisfaction generally.
In the United Kingdom, the government even issued pamphlets to teenagers encouraging them to masturbate at least once a day.
The powers that be like men to have low testosterone, because it makes them easy to control and it keeps society stable. It’s interesting to note that ISIS fighters are strictly forbidden from masturbating.
When men don’t masturbate, their natural urge is to conquer.
Being charming is less important than people think it is. If you don’t have a baseline of dominance, then all the charm in the world won’t help you.
A good lens through which to view being charming is the concept of social calibration.
CALIBRATION. There are certain qualities like dominance that women are universally attracted to. However, there are some situations in which you need to calibrate your dominance levels to what the circumstances dictate.
For example, you need to be more dominant in a nightclub than at a small dinner party with your friends.
The dominance you’d bring to a more primal atmosphere like a nightclub would be inappropriate for the dinner party.
At the dinner party, you can still be attractive by demonstrating dominance, but you do so in a more subtle and indirect way.
That’s charm — being powerful, strong and dominant, but also being able to calibrate that dominance to match the needs of the situation.
EMPATHY. Charm requires an ability to read people — to size them up and see where they’re coming from. In other words, it requires empathy.
When you become a dominant male, most people you meet are going to be lower than you in social status. (This is self-inflicted, by the way. They could become as high status as you are, but they choose not to be by indulging in their current life choices.)
A dominant man who lacks charm will bully those who are lower down than him.
This is not an attractive trait to women. It indicates an inability to form social alliances.
BE POLITICAL. Think of a politician here. Do you ever see a politician lose their cool and start berating voters for being stupid and uninformed? Do you ever see a CEO do that to customers?
That’s because you don’t get to that level by making weaker people feel bad about themselves. When enough weak people gang up, they can be a powerful force.
The natural leader recognises this, and he chooses to indulge the weaknesses of others. This makes him magnetic to them.
Another good example is Joe Rogan.
JOE ROGAN. Physically, Rogan is an extremely imposing guy. But what makes him attractive to people is that he’s got charm.
He knows how to put people at ease around him. He can be self-denigrating (like calling himself an “ape”) in a funny way which disarms people and makes him less intimidating.
But imagine Joe Rogan was just a big tough guy — no charm, no humour. Would anyone listen to his podcast or care what he had to say? Probably not.
The biggest badasses know how to temper being a dominator by putting people at ease around them. Learn to do the same.
There are few other qualities that are as arousing to women as ruthlessness and cruelty.
Women claim they like nice guys, but that’s just a pile of shit.
Secretly, girls are laughing up their sleeves at all the dumb fucks who believe their lies about how “nice guys” get the girl.
That’s because most women are inherently cruel, and they like leading men astray because it amuses them.
If you don’t believe women are cruel, take a look at the kind of entertainment women are most drawn to.
Celebrity magazines and reality TV shows are fuelled by cruelty. Women eat that shit up like candy. They love it.
BITCHINESS. Women love putting each other down. Women are bitches to men, but they’re even bitchier to other women.
If you have any doubt about this, then you haven’t met any women.
The only thing women love more than putting other women down is being put down themselves. It goes back to how they like to be dominated.
This is why girls are so drawn to gay men. Gay men are absolutely vicious on a verbal level, and they’re able to tear their female friends apart in a ruthless way.
Women like it. They eat it up. The more deeply you wound a woman with your words, the more she loves you — so long as you do it in a way that’s funny, not bitter.
“NEGGING”. There’s an art to being cruel. You can’t just roll up to a girl and tell her she’s ugly. You have to be more skilful about it.
Don’t think of it as insulting women. Think of it more like a comedian who’s absolutely OWNING an audience by verbally berating them.
It’s vicious but it comes from a good-natured place — you’re adding to the fun using edgy, polarising humour. You’re not trying to hurt people or wound them out of bitterness or being a bully.
Rather, you’re giving girls an opportunity to feel your strength in the form of verbal sparring.
It’s like choking a girl and spanking her during sex. Most women are into this, and a large number of women can’t orgasm without it.
Pleasure and pain, in this case, are interlinked. Being cruel and being generous are dependent upon each other.
You can’t be generous sexually (making the girl cum) without being somewhat cruel (roughing her up.)
It’s the same with negging girls.
Being a “nice guy” just makes you into Ned Flanders — it actually causes the girl pain because it’s so boring.
On the other hand, keeping it unpredictable and exciting by complimenting her sometimes, and being a ruthless asshole at other times, produces a powerful cocktail of attraction.
There’s an art and science to this which I don’t have time to go into now, but you can learn more about it in my free e-book, The Pornstar Principle™: How To Make Beautiful Women Obsessed With You
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#5: SENSE OF HUMOUR
In the context of dating, sense of humour is widely misunderstood. People think you need to be “funny” and “crack jokes” to get girls. It’s not really true.
What you do need is a light-hearted, playful attitude to life.
That’s what girls really mean when they say they want a guy with a good sense of humour.
For example, I’m not funny. Never have been. I get off the occasional zinger when I’m drinking with my buddies like anyone else, but no one has ever told me “Mike, you’re funny.”
However, when I’m speaking with girls, they’re usually in hysterics laughing. I can and have made girls laugh so hard they piss their pants.
MOOD CONTAGION. Humour is contagious. I’m always laughing. I’m always in a good mood. This is because I’ve trained myself to find everything funny.
So when I’m in that state, it rubs off on the people around me.
When I’m in a social situation, I’m always laughing, or I’ve got a big grin on my face and am ready to laugh.
That kind of vibe is infectious to people, and they laugh too. Putting yourself in the physiological state of laughter is more important than being good at “comedy” in a formal sense.
HUMOUR AS AN IMMUNE SYSTEM. Life is a struggle. Life is constant war, terror, uncertainty.
As Tyler of RSD once said, humour is like a natural immune system for the overwhelmingly negative experience that constitutes much of human life.
You need to get serious about not taking yourself so seriously.
Lower your standards about what you find funny. Find any reason to laugh — even if it doesn’t make sense.
NEGATIVITY. Most guys learning game are too negative and pessimistic to get results.
Being negative is a self-indulgent behaviour. It’s a luxury. It assumes that life is going to be good to you.
It’s not. Life isn’t going to be good to you. You’re going to have your face smashed into the pavement again and again.
The only way you’re going to survive is to learn to laugh at yourself.
USE REJECTION AS FUEL. The best way to start laughing is to go and get rejected by a girl. The worse the rejection is, the better.
When I get a rejection, I think about how it must have looked to everyone there — and I laugh at myself along with them.
That attitude seems strange, but it’s immensely powerful.
As a result of conditioning myself with that one simple reframe, I’m immune to the pain of rejection.
Not only does it not hurt me — it actually FUELS me.
When I get rejected, I throw my head back and laugh. This in turn puts me in an energized state where I find everything funny, and I’m basically magnetic to girls for the rest of the night.
They see me laughing my ass off and they want to join the fun. It’s infectious. People can’t resist a man who’s having more fun than they are.
DEMONIC. If you’re laughing all the time, you can get away with murder. People just give you a free pass.
I’ve made jokes about rape, and women have cracked up laughing, then made out with me immediately after.
I can even look girls dead in the eye and tell them that I don’t believe women should be allowed to vote, and they’ll still laugh their heads off and fuck me.
Having a great sense of humour is demonically powerful. It lets you get away with anything.
Having a positive, optimistic outlook on life is mandatory if you want to succeed with women.
The vast majority of people are natural pessimists. In their heart of hearts, they don’t believe life is going to get better, and they’re scared, tired and confused.
Most people are not living, but merely existing. They endure lives of quiet desperation the way a cow endures rain.
That includes most women, by the way. They may seem carefree at brunch as they show off their skimpy outfits and play with their new iPhones, but deep down they suffer from the same gnawing existentialist angst as everyone else.
This is what makes optimism so attractive. Most people wish they could be optimistic but they lack faith in themselves. When you’re optimistic and positive, it rubs off on them temporarily and they feel good about things.
This makes you magnetic to them.
CULTIVATE IRRATIONAL OPTIMISM. If you’re irrationally optimistic, you’ll be more successful, be in a better mood and have prettier girlfriends.
Why is optimism so attractive to women?
First of all, because dominant men are naturally more optimistic.
When you’re the king of the castle, it’s hard not to smile.
DOMINANCE AND HAPPINESS. In animal studies, researchers found that dominant males have high levels of brain serotonin.
For those who don’t know, serotonin is the brain chemical which is said to “cause” happiness. People suffering from depression typically have low serotonin levels.
So being the alpha male and fucking all the girls makes you happy. So what?Seems obvious, right?
Well, what’s interesting is that it wasn’t a one-way causality.
When the researchers took one of the sex-starved beta males and loaded him full of serotonin, he quickly became one of the dominant males. In some cases, these serotonin-enhanced monkeys actually became the alpha male.
And when the dominant males had their serotonin levels artificially lowered, they became submissive and turned into betas.
This suggests that happiness actually causes dominance, not the other way around.
ENGINEERING OPTIMISM. So how do you become happy and optimistic? It’s like anything. You have to condition yourself to do it.
Happiness is a skill. It’s not a magical mystery made of fairy dust. It’s a habit. You can train yourself to be happy just like you would train yourself any other skill.
One of the most powerful techniques you can use is to not express any unpleasant emotions for 30 days.
When you find yourself about to say something negative, stop. This is harder than it looks.
Like quitting masturbation, it will be a struggle at first, but you’d be surprised how quickly and dramatically something so simple will change your entire brain chemistry.
Start by deciding not to express any negative emotions for 30 days. It’s harder than it looks but well worth the effort. Doing this simple exercise will give you a magnetic personality.
Being optimistic and positive makes you addictive to be around.
When you train yourself to be extremely positive, women grow dependent on you because you’re the only person they know who seems to be truly happy.
Positivity is addictive to people because there are so few genuine sources of it.
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