4 Tricks To Get Over Your Fear Of Approaching Women


Mike’s Note: I posted this on r/seduction yesterday. People seem to like it — as of today 224 people have upvoted it. I thought I’d post it here for posterity’s sake. Enjoy.



My current SO, looking friendly as always. I have a weird thing for girls who look like they would have rejected me in high school. 



#1. Make approaching your only criteria for success

When you first start learning this stuff it’s easy to get overwhelmed. You’re trying to do six different things at once that you’ve seen in posts and videos (approach, flirt, joke around, tease her, show intent, venue change, etc.) The result is that you end up doing nothing.

Instead, eliminate ALL goals except the one that matters most: approaching.
When you go out as a beginner, your criteria for what constitutes a “successful night” should be only: “Did I approach?” If the answer is yes, you can count the session a success. If the answer is no, go out the next night and approach this time.

Repeat for 2 months. If you keep it this simple, you WILL eliminate approach anxiety in 8 weeks time. I promise. The key is to keep things simple.


#2. You can’t control people’s reactions. You can only control your own behaviour.

You can’t control another person’s reaction to you any more than you can control the weather.

What you CAN control is whether YOU take Right Action or not.

Think of your powers and abilities as two concentric circles, one inside the other. The inside circle is your behaviour. The outer circle is events, things which happen to you, and other people’s behaviour.

Right now, you can only influence the inner circle — whether or not you take Right Action. You cannot influence the outer circle: people’s reactions to you.
However, the more you expand the inner circle by taking Right Action, the more it will naturally begin to OVERLAP the outer circle.

Eventually you will reach a point where the inner circle completely dominates the outer circle. At this point, you constitute a man who is in complete control of his environment and can influence it however you like. This is what we call “tight game.”

In the words of Jack Nicholson in The Departed: “I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.”

However, you can only reach this point by focusing on expanding the inner circle first. In other words, the only way to increase your influence over other people is to first attain complete influence over yourself. So make taking action your one and only god.


#3. Stop waiting for the “perfect time” to approach. It’s never going to come.

There’s a saying in business: “Timid salesman have skinny kids.”

It goes double for game. There’s never going to be a time that a hot girl starts smiling at you and waves you over. It’s simply not going to happen.

Every approach you do will be imperfect. There are almost no “good opportunities” to approach. There’ll always be a reason not to.

You’ll be at a weird angle to the girl. There’ll be a guy in the set. She’ll be on her way out and stopping her might irritate her. There’ll be “too many people” nearby.

Only when you realise that there’s NEVER going to be a good opportunity to approach will you reach the point of approaching anyway. Slim chances of success? Well, guess what: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.Approach anyway.

Even 1 in 1,000 odds of sleeping with that girl are better than GUARANTEED FAILURE. And if you don’t approach, that’s the only outcome you’re going to get: failure and regret.

#4. Rejection does not exist. There is no rejection. There are only results.

Imagine yourself approaching a woman you’d like to have sex with. She doesn’t immediately react well. She seems nervous and tense, and after talking to you for a while she says she has to go and leaves.

Do you call this rejection?

If so, you’re falling prey to a cognitive bias called the “mind projection fantasy” — which is the idea that the way you see the world is the way it is, and that you’re telepathic and can read people’s minds.

In reality, all we can say about the above example is that your actions produced a result which differed from the one you intended.
To say anything else is fantasy and speculation.

To talk about “rejection” assumes you have perfect knowledge of the girl’s internal state and motivations. You do not, and CANNOT, have such knowledge.

There are a hundred reasons why a woman may not have reacted well that have nothing to do with you as a person, your social status, your sexual desirability, or your appearance.

Maybe her cat just died. Maybe she’s on meth. Maybe her back teeth are coming in and she’s in excruciating pain. You just don’t know. So to assume she walked away because she thought you were low status or too short is literally delusional. It’s actually a negative hallucination: you’re projecting your own imagined fantasies and insecurities onto other people.

Eliminate the word rejection from your vocabulary. Replace it with the word results.

And like in anything else, getting the results you want will be purely a matter of massive repetition.

One man is an expert violinist. The results he produces (the sound gets from the instrument) are exactly what he aimed for, and people adore him for the beauty he’s able to bring into the world through his music.

But when he started learning the violin he could produce only a hideous cacophony which made people hate him. He kept practicing, again and again, and eventually his brain learned the distinctions which allowed him to produce a successful result.

So it is for success with women.

Open your front door.

Walk outside.

Go somewhere where women are.

Talk to one of them.


You could be a hideous freak, it doesn’t matter — the one thing that is absolutely certain in this world is that you will get better at anything you do repeatedly.

The time to start is now.

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How To Get Laid With A “9” Every Weekend Using The Magic Of “Social Momentum”

By Mike Haines

In this post I’m going to teach you what I consider to be the foundation of all success with women.

Without this foundation, nothing else works.

No amount of technique, “inner game” or reading about pickup will get you laid if you don’t have this foundation in place.

This foundation is called social momentum.

The iceberg

Attaining a high degree of success with women is like an iceberg.

At the tip of iceberg is your visible results, such as:

  • That blonde model you pulled home for sex last night
  • The threesome you’re arranging with your friend-with-benefits and her friend
  • Your stunning girlfriend, who’s the envy of all your friends
  • Your ability to score new poon on command whenever you leave your house
  • Your ability to walk into any bar in the world and leave with one of the hottest girls there in under an hour

Only 2% of the iceberg is your visible results.

The foundation of this iceberg — the invisible 98% of it which other people don’t see — is social momentum.

What is social momentum?

Think of it this way. Have you ever had to push a stalled car down the road to get the engine started?

When you and your friends first try to push against the back of the car, it’s almost immovable.

With all of you straining and flexing together, you can just about get it rolling slowly down the road.

As the car picks up momentum, however, it becomes much easier to push. It actually feels lighter. Now one man on his own could easily move it.

As the car gains even more momentum and speed, no more effort is necessary. The engine picks up and the car can cruise along on its own.

Getting laid regularly works by the exact same principle of momentum. 

When you first start going out and approaching girls, failure is constant. Nothing works.

Everyone you approach shuts you down. Hot women at bars look at you like you’re a piece of scum that’s accidentally gotten stuck to their shoe.

If you keep going out and approaching, you start getting better results. Maybe you go out and one girl actually responds well to you.

The next night, a few different girls respond positively.

The night after that, you make out with a girl.

The upward spiral of success

With momentum on your side, what initially seemed impossible — approaching a random woman — is now fairly easy.

And the more action you take, the more momentum you gather. Getting laid just becomes easier, and easier, and easier. Until one day you’re looking around and you realise you’re at the top of the mountain.

  • The women you used to be afraid of are calling you at all hours of the day, desperate for you to come over and “hang out” (i.e. drill them)
  • The guys who used to mock you when you approached their female friends are terrified that you’ll bang their girlfriends while they’re away on work.
  • The clubs and bars that used to terrify you now feel like your playground. You can stroll into any club in the city on your own, sober, and leave with a pretty girl in under an hour… like picking a fresh ripe apple off a tree.


Screen Shot 2016-08-22 at 14.32.27

A peak into my personal life. This is what momentum looks like.



How do you get into and sustain such a state of momentum? Two requirements are necessary:

1. Approach constantly. You must approach women, and you must do so routinely.

When I say to approach routinely, I don’t mean, “approach girls when one appeals to you, or it seems like an easy situation.”

I mean approach regularly and systematically. Only systematic efforts get any results whatsoever.

Make a decision that you will go out at least 2-3 nights per week and approach women. Do this every week without fail.

If you think you’re going to get good at this without putting in the time on a consistent and routine basis, I’ve got news for you — you’re not.

That’s like people who go to the gym “whenever they feel like it”. Sometimes they go three times a week. Sometimes they don’t exercise for 2 weeks straight. Are they going to get ripped? The answer is no.

This brings me to the next point…

2. Don’t be a dabbler. If you want to regularly sleep with gorgeous young girls — the types of girls you see on magazine covers and in porn — I’ve got news for you: you can do it. It’s possible. 

I do it — and I’m neither charismatic nor handsome.

But you must make a commitment. You have to be out in the field, approaching women on a consistent basis.

This means formulating a gameplan (go out twice a week and approach women), and actually sticking to it.

Most men are neither willing nor able to do this, and that’s the reason they’ll never have a girlfriend who looks like a Playboy bunny. Not their looks, not their height, not their age, not their “introversion” — but their lack of self-discipline.

Everything is earned. The universe rewards those who are willing to work. As for those who are not — enjoy life in hell.

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