BY MIKE HAINES
Originally posted on r/seduction, where it received more upvotes than anything I’ve ever posted there (628 as of this time). A lot of people messaged me privately to say this really helped them take their game to the next level. Enjoy.
A bitter little troll
I got into game primarily because I wanted to sleep with beautiful women — the“9s” and “10s”.
These girls never paid attention to me in high school, and to be honest I was bitter about it.
I wanted to be the guy who walks down the street with a Victoria’s Secret caliber girl on his arm and have people’s heads turn as they wonder, “Why in the hell is she with HIM?”
So that’s where I started from. A bitter little troll, hungry for status and power. You might think that with such an unhealthy mindset, I’d never get anywhere with game. That’s where you’d be wrong.
Fail until you succeed
What I had on my side was an unhealthy obsession with status, a lifelong fixation on beautiful women, and a grudging willingness to do whatever it took to get what I wanted. So I learned game. I went out and approached 3 nights a week, rain or shine. I got rejected by 99% of women I talked to for the first 2 years.
But I kept at it and eventually I got what I wanted. I started hooking up with 8s and 9s on a regular basis, been with the odd model or exotic dancer here and there, dated a few tens, and eventually made one my girlfriend. (You can see a picture of her at the start of this post on my blog )
Getting the hottest women is about two things:
I won’t cover action in this post, because you basically already know what you have to do. You have to cold approach constantly. You have to approach consistently. And you have to acclimate yourself to approaching the hottest girls in the venue. There’s no secret to it — take the actions, and you will get the results.
What’s more interesting, and more subtle, is the question of MINDSET.
If you have the right mindset, then taking right actions will be easier, and you’ll get results faster.
Have the wrong mindset, on the other hand, and no amount of action will produce the result you want — because there are unconscious forces blocking you from getting it.
What is a “10” anyway?
First of all, let me define what I mean by a “10”.
I know we all have our own preferences in women and that one guy’s 7 might be another’s 10 and vice versa.
For now, though, let’s keep things really simple.
A “10” is the type of girl you see on a magazine cover… at the Playboy mansion… or dancing onstage in a Vegas club.
Why you’re not dating 10s
“Man is not a rational animal, but a rationalising animal.” – Robert Heinlein
Now, because we’re on Reddit, a lot of guys are going to say at this point, “Well, those girls aren’t TRUE TENS. A TRUE ten has a great personality as well. And strippers, models, dancers, etc are attention seeking whores and damaged goods.”
Sit down and shut up.
How do YOU know the Playboy model doesn’t have a good personality?
Until you’ve met her and hooked up with THAT SPECIFIC GIRL, you don’t know shit.
You’re just generalising about ALL women who are models, dancers, cocktail waitresses.
And that is PRECISELY the reason most guys reading this will never get a 10.
The single biggest mindset problem which prevents guys from dating “out of their league” is a cognitive bias known as sour grapes.
What is “sour grapes”?
In one of Aesop’s fables, a fox reaches for some grapes on a vine. The grapes look delicious and he’s thirsty.
But because he can’t reach them, the fox gives up and insists that he didn’t want the grapes anyway, because they’re probably sour.
When you train yourself to see it, you’ll notice that “sour grapes” is EVERYWHERE in our culture. It is in many ways the dominant ideology of our time.
How many times have you heard someone say the following:
- “I wouldn’t want a million dollars. It would just be a big hassle, and rich people are unhappy anyway.”
- “Sure, her body looks good, but she’s a bitch. I like a girl who knows how to hold a conversation.”
- “Yeah she’s hot but she’s just an attention seeking whore. Women like that are only looking for a guy’s money anyway.”
So why is this so harmful?
Because your brain is like a computer, and when you make these blanket assertions, you’re unwittingly PROGRAMMING YOURSELF TO FAIL.
Do you believe that our subconscious mind is really in control?
I do. (And if you have any doubts about that, I recommend reading the books Thinking: Fast and Slow, and Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion)
So here’s the problem.
Sour grapes starts off as an innocent way for us to preserve our ego, but it quickly mutates into a LIMITING FORCE which keeps imprisoned in a little box.
You approach a ten, and she rejects you. Or at least, you PERCEIVE that she rejected you.
So you say, “Screw it, women like that are all whores / attention seekers / bitchy / boring / cheating sluts / gold diggers / status-driven / [FILL IN THE BLANK]”
This allows you to preserve your ego momentarily. “I don’t want those grapes — they’re sour anyway.”
But here’s where everything starts to go wrong.
Let’s say that from that experience of being rejected by one or two hot girls, you form a belief. This belief states: “Hot girls are bitchy, indifferent and cold.”
Well, next time you approach a hot girl, that limiting belief is going to be PRIMING YOU TO EXPECT A NEGATIVE OUTCOME IN ADVANCE.
And because you expect a negative outcome, your game will be weakened. You’ll be less funny, less carefree, more conservative.
And because your personality is stifled around her, the hot girl will react exactly how you expect her to react: bitchy, cold and aloof.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is just one example. Thousands could be given.
As men, we are by our nature, very proud.
We don’t like to DESIRE something, and not be able to get it.
So most of us fall into the trap of playing mindgames with ourselves, that what we can’t get is inherently flawed and not worth getting after all.
The irony is: you CAN get those hot girls if you’re willing to work at it.
But by rationalising that THEY’RE the problem — you’re actually programming your brain to fail around them. And thus, the belief that you can’t get them becomes self-fulfilling.
Common myths about the hottest women
“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” — Mark Twain
MYTH #1: Hot girls are bitchier than other girls.
THE TRUTH: Some 10s are bitches, just as some 5s are bitches.
However, don’t be fooled into taking a woman’s FIRST REACTION to you as being representative of her character as a whole. Remember: girls are naturally going to be NERVOUS when you approach them. This nervousness might cause them to act rude and standoffish until you spend more time getting to know them.
Only when you’ve spent more time with the girl will she relax around you so you can know her true personality — which is NEVER the initial “bitch shield” persona you get at the start.
As Alex (formerly of RSD) used to say: When you see that cold unattainble perfect 10 in the club, imagine her on Christmas morning opening presents with her family. She’s laughing and giggling, happy, wearing pyjamas, no makeup, has glasses and braces on and basically looks like an abomination — but she’s still feminine and cute.
THAT’S the real girl. The girl you see when you approach her is a FACADE. Don’t be tricked into thinking your first impression of the girl is real.
99% of stunners are actually cute, affectionate little DORKS once you get to know them.
MYTH #2: Hot girls get approached all the time. This makes them more hostile and irritated when you approach them because they’re sick of men hitting on them
THE TRUTH: In my experience, the hottest girls usually respond the BEST to being approached. A 9 or 10 is approached a lot. This means she has less anxiety about being approached. She’s more familiar with it.
On the other hand, if you approach a 6 — she’s less accustomed to male attention, so talking to you makes her feel nervous and self-conscious, and she tries to “reject you first” by being hostile, mainly because she feels out of her depth.
This almost never happens with 9s and 10s — who are much more comfortable in their own skin, and thus usually more friendly and laid back when you approach them.
By the way, this is why I exclusively date 9s and 10s now. It’s about more than just looks: their “vibe” is just better, most of the time. They’re less insecure, more laid back, more carefree and in the moment.
MYTH#3: The hottest girls are all “money-grubbing whores”
THE TRUTH: Again, this has simply not been my experience. I’ve dated some really stunning women over the years and not once did I spend money on any of them.
Take my girlfriend as an example. Beautiful girl, has done modelling work, partied with celebrities, and has friends who are multimillionaires.
She easily could have hooked up with some Saudi prince or something. Instead she’s with me: a little dork who she met and started dating while I was (a) unemployed, (b) living with my parents, (c) not even lifting weights (that last one still blows my mind tbh).
We’ve been together for 4 years — and throughout that time my career has been nothing but one failed entrepreneurial venture after another. Yet our relationship is stronger than ever.
What’s going on here? How am I bending reality in this way?
Simple. I believed I was “enough” to get this girl. And by believing I was enough, I became enough. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. (It also doesn’t hurt that she knows from experience that I have the game to bang another girl as hot as her any time I like.)
MYTH#4: The hottest girls are superficial. They only care about a guy’s looks and status
THE TRUTH: Are you kidding me? Have you even left your basement recently?
Do you know how many absolute stunners I’ve met who are in LTRs with some scrawny neckbeard who delivers pizzas for a living?
Do you have any idea how socially inexperienced a claim like this makes you sound?
If you open your eyes and actually look around in the REAL WORLD — (not in movies and TV and internet comments) — you’ll constantly see guys who are total dweebs dating girls you’d bite off your left arm to bang.
To take just one example that I saw the other day:
Check out this video of the YouTuber Sssniperwolf and her boyfriend. This is a chick who’s easily an 8 or 9 (probably higher if she was dolled up), yet she’s dating some guy who’s WAY below her “league” by mainstream understanding — fat, nerdy, completely beta.
(The video actually creeps me out for some reason, to be honest, but it’s an interesting case study either way.)
Look, I’m not going to tell you being good looking doesn’t help. Of course it does. But it makes LESS OF A DIFFERENCE than you’d think.
Example: In the past two years I’ve put on a lot of muscle, gone up a few shirt sizes, and look a hell of a lot better. In terms of raw looks value, I’ve probably gone from about a “6” to an “8”
Has it changed how women respond to me? Not really.
The law of social momentum still applies. If I don’t go out and approach for a few weeks, I’ll do terrible with women. If I’m in a state of momentum, I’ll do extremely well. Working on my looks has made almost NO difference to my game or the level of women I can attract.
I was getting 9s and 10s when I was a 6 in looks. I’m still getting them now. But it hasn’t become any easier or more consistent (other than due to the inevitable advances in my game which arise from experience).
This is not to say don’t work on your looks — just that after a certain point, it’s much less of a factor than you think it is.
Another aspect to this is that what any two women find physically attractive in men can differ wildly based on that woman’s own unique imprints for what constitutes an attractive mate (e.g. what her father was like, early authority figures, first positive sexual experiences, etc).
You won’t be physically attractive to every woman. But whatever you look like — I can guarantee there’s a very hot girl out there who has a “fetish” for your specific thing. But you won’t find her sitting in your basement, writing posts about how looks matter. You’ll find her by going out a lot.
MYTH#5: Hot girls are less sexual than other women. They’re more likely to be prudes, and harder to have a one night stand with.
THE TRUTH: There is actually some science to back this up The more beautiful the woman, the less sexual partners she tends to have. The researchers in the above study hypothesise that less attractive women have to “settle” for one night stands, whereas hotter girls are in a better position to get a guy into a LTR — which is assumed in the study to be every woman’s ultimate aim.
So, is the average beautiful woman less likely to put out fast, and thus, we can assume, more resistant to seduction?
Yes, according to science.
However, statistical averages are bullshit.
For example, the average American woman gives birth to 1.87 children.
But what the hell does 1.87 children look like? One normal kid and one kid without legs?
These are statistical averages, gleaned from hundreds of millions of data points.
But the data points themselves — i.e. REAL LIFE HUMAN BEINGS — are messy and all over the place. While the average woman gives birth to 1.8 kids, there are millions of women who give birth to 10+ children, and millions who have no kids at all. Likewise: Some hot girls are super prudes. Other are super sluts.
When you add them together, you get an average that makes them seem prude-ish, on the whole.
But that ignores the fact that MILLIONS of super hot girls are absolutely ADDICTED to sex and love getting drilled more than anything in the world.
Case in point: every 9 or 10 I’ve ever been with had sex with me either the first night we met, or on our first date.
By contrast, I’ve dated 6s and 7s who were super into me but wouldn’t put out even after THREE dates.
So stop focusing on mental masturbation scientific averages, get out there and start approaching hot girls in REAL life. People will surprise you.
TL;DR Your beliefs about hot women are probably holding you back. Take an inventory of everything you believe about beautiful women. Selectively alter and remove any beliefs that are limiting you. Replace them with new, more empowering beliefs. This + taking a LOT of action = dating the hottest women.
If you like what you’ve read here, check out PART II — where I go deep into the TACTICS + MINDSET that I’ve used to pull the hottest girls and how you can do the same.
Want to know how to put a woman in a “sexual state” in under 30 seconds? Try my advanced seduction program, The Domination Principle — Risk FREE for 60 days