BY MIKE HAINES
Last week I wrote a controversial post on this sub, provocatively entitled, “How to date out of your league and get 9s and 10s (and why most of you won’t)”.
Though it was upvoted hundreds of times and was by far the most popular thing I’ve ever posted here, responses to the piece were sharply divided.
After some reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that many of the criticisms were right. In the original post, I spent a lot of time deconstructing the limiting beliefs which prevent guys from going for 9s and 10s — but I failed to replace them with a new empowering alternative.
This is a topic that means a lot to me because it took me so damn long to figure out and it was an absolute obsession for many years.
So I took the criticisms into account and stayed up all night drinking coffee and wrote this new, more in depth piece in an attempt to make things clearer.
Should you focus on getting the hottest girls?
You don’t have to make getting 9s and 10s a priority.
Everyone gets into this for their own reasons. Getting 9s and 10s was my reason.
If this is your priority, then this post will help you. If it’s not — not to worry. Do you.
However, it is interesting to see the rationalisations that guys will come up with to justify not going for what they really want but are afraid of.
For example, in response to my last post, many guys commented: “I don’t want to date 9s and 10s because they’re crazy”, or “I prefer the girl next door type — they’re usually freaks in bed”, and so on.
Those are all great arguments.
But let me ask you this.
When you jerk off to porn, what girls are you jerking off to?
9s and 10s.
So — on some level — you DO want to have sex with 9s and 10s.
Because when there’s no risk of rejection — from behind the safety of your computer — 9s and 10s are the women you CHOOSE to jerk off to.
So what I would say to guys who claim they’re “above” going for the super hotties: no matter how much you want to lie to yourself that you don’t want these types of girls, your own private behaviour indicates that you do.
And sure, perhaps you’re attracted to them sexually but don’t want to date them. Fine.
But you want to sleep with them, right?
Otherwise you wouldn’t jerk off to porn.
So just swallow your pride and learn how to sleep with them.
It’s really not that hard. Give yourself the gift of learning to get with incredibly beautiful women. I promise you’ll enjoy it 🙂
(Though the fact that this is even a debate at all is baffling to me, quite frankly, lol.)
HOW TO GET 9’S AND 10’S:
THE BASIC PROBLEM
As I explained in part one, 9s and 10s are no different from other women in any fundamental way. They get more attention, and so on, but they don’t require a different type of game.
All the same principles still apply and work just as well: approach, have good body language and eye contact, express sexual intent, touch her playfully, tease her, be able to hold a conversation and stay with her for a period of hours, then when the time is right, pull her home for sex.
Same game. Same skills. Same rules.
There are, however, two real limiting factors when it comes to getting 9s or 10.
#1: 9s and 10s are rare — almost by definition
#2: 9s and 10s are extremely intimidating if you’ve never been with a woman of this level of beauty before
Let’s tackle these problems now.
Problem #1: Super hot girls are rarer
By definition, the hottest girls are rarer. The rarity of seeing a really hot girl will depend on where you live, and what places you go to pick up girls. However, no matter what way you skin this cat, extreme beauty is always an anomaly.
In any bar, there are what, maybe 3-5 really pretty girls, at most? And even that’s overstating it in many cases.
- Go to places that there are a high number of really hot girls concentrated in a small location. Trendy bars. Hot nightclubs. In some cities, daygame might give you good opportunities to meet really pretty girls — but in most places, it simply won’t. If getting the hottest girls is a priority for you, then get real about this, and go to the places where the hottest girls are. Start getting into better clubs. Figure out the trendiest bars in your city. The more you surround yourself with beautiful women, the more likely you are to pull one.
- Go out a lot. The more you’re out approaching women, the more you tip the statistical odds in your favour that you’ll meet and hook up with a really hot girl. It’s pure mathematics. Go out once a week, you have low chances of meeting and pulling a hottie. Go out twice a week, you have higher chances. Three times a week, higher chances still. Work the numbers. Success in almost every endeavour usually comes down to cold hard mathematics at the end of the day. Go out more. Approach more.
- Get social momentum. This feeds into the above point. If you’re out a lot, approaching women constantly, it’s much more likely things will go well when you finally get an opportunity with that stunning girl who crosses your path. You don’t need to be “on” when you meet her — but it helps. Always be approaching. Warm up, and approach all girls — not just the hot ones. When you then run into the hot one, it will be much easier to approach and game her.
- Force yourself to approach when you see your dream girl, even if you’re not feeling it. Although having social momentum helps, some of the hottest girls I ever dated were ones I forced myself to approach when I REALLY didn’t want to, and hadn’t even done a cold approach for days before hand. For example, I once hooked up with this blonde 18 year old Russian who looked like a straight up Victoria’s Secret model. I saw her in the library in my college, spent 45 minutes shaking with fear before finally walking up to her. I asked her name, flirted a bit then asked for her number in front of 50 other people in a completely silent library. She said yes, and we went out later that night. Moral of the story: just do it.
Problem #2: Super hot girls are extremely intimidating if you haven’t slept with a woman of this calibre before
This is THE big problem for most guys. Tell me if you’ve ever had the following experience:
You’re feeling good… you’ve been talking to people all night… you’ve even made out with a cute girl or two.
Then you see an absolute BOMBSHELL. And immediately, you just know: “I’m not going to approach her.”
There’s no fear. There’s no guilt. You’re not even conflicted about it. You just know as a matter of certainty, in that moment, that you’re not going to even try to talk to that girl. It’s like your feet are glued to the floor.
You could have done 30 other approaches that night. You could have just had your dick sucked — yet you see that 10, and you just won’t do it.
Most men become paralysed in the face of extreme beauty. They’re extremely intimidated by highly attractive women.
Now here’s what you may not have considered before:
Being intimidated by beautiful girls is not natural. Children don’t have this emotional reaction, for example. There is no inherent reason why you should feel intimidated to speak to a beautiful woman.
You didn’t have this fear when you were 4 years old. Yet now you do. Somewhere along the way, you learned it.
Why do we learn to be afraid of beautiful women?
And more importantly, how the hell do we un-learn it?
That’s what I intend to answer in the rest of this article.
PART I: REALITY
Here’s the big idea:
We live in a world of illusion.
Social status, perceived hierarchy, beauty, “value” — all of these things are hallucinations.
Answer me this: why shouldn’t you be able to sleep with the hottest girl in the club?
You’re a human. She’s a human.
Both of you were born alone. Both of you will die alone.
Both of you are — in reality — simply hairless apes clinging to a giant rock which is hurtling through space at 67,000 miles per hour. And both of you are scared, tired, and confused.
This is the reality of our shared experience here on earth.
EVERY GIRL IS A “7”
Some of these aforementioned hairless apes shave their legs, put paint on their faces, and squeeze themselves into strange and uncomfortable costumes. We call these “hot girls”.
Yet living as we do in a world of illusion — we attribute certain qualities to these “hot girls” such as value, social status, unattainability and “beauty”.
In reality, they’re just tired, scared hairless apes like we are.
If you take away their face paint and false eyelashes and their do-me heels and you don’t let them shave their legs or wax their moustaches or pluck their eyebrows — female humans look like what all humans are: animals, basically.
BEAUTY IS AN ILLUSION WE CONSTRUCT IN OUR OWN MINDS
Every so-called “perfect 10” is a 7 when you strip away all the makeup, cosmetic enhancements, sexually enticing clothing, and psychological positioning (e.g. scarcity).
Now you might argue here: “Mike, come on. You’re telling me Victoria’s Secret models like Cara Delevingne are actually 7s?”
PART II: FEAR
“OK — SO MAYBE BEAUTY IS AN ILLUSION. BUT I STILL FEAR AND CRAVE THESE GIRLS. HOW COME?”
Human beings are, by nature, extremely hierarchical.
We are biologically programmed to organise ourselves into limited dominance hierarchies.
You have probably heard the statistic that tall men earn more, on average, than short men.
What is lesser known is that a man’s height at age 16 is actually a much better predictor of how much he earns as an adult — regardless of how tall he is now.
I quote the science writer Matt Ridley summarising the findings of social psychologist Judith Harris (The Evolution Of Everything, page 163):
“In their teens [individuals] begin to assess their relative status within their peer group. In the case of men, this mostly means working out how tall, strong and domineering you are, and adjusting your personality and ambitions accordingly. There’s a fascinating finding in economics that taller men earn more money throughout their careers, but that it is their height at sixteen, not at thirty, that best predicts their earnings. The reason for this, as other studies have shown, is that this when men decide their status, and shape their personalities accordingly. So what employers are rewarding are the attributes of self-confidence and ambition that came partly from being a tall, strong football player at school, rather than the height of the person today… In both sexes therefore, says Harris, there is a tendency to settle some aspects of your personality in the mid-teens, based on how high you think your relative status is among your peers. That, she thinks, is the likely cause of the differences in personality that are not directly or indirectly genetic.”
HIGH SCHOOL CONDITIONING
In other words, we tend to sort ourselves into dominance hierarchies in our teenage years.
If you were the tall, popular quarter back — your self-image as a “dominant male” becomes fixed and comes to determine your beliefs and actions for the rest of your life.
You’ll feel entitled to the hottest women — because at age 16 or so you had sexual access to the best looking girls in your cohort.
If you were a late developer, unpopular, disliked, unsuccessful with women in your teenage years (like I was) — you will likely have formed a self-image that you are relatively low down on the dominance hierarchy.
As a result, you will feel crippling fear when interacting with girls you perceive as “above you” in the so-called “hierarchy”.
EVER WONDER WHY YOU “CARE” SO MUCH — NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY NOT TO?
This is why.
It doesn’t make sense to have approach anxiety and fear of the hottest women in the adult world.
But it makes PERFECT sense in the world of high school.
And most of us are still carrying out “strategies” (unconscious social scripts) which we developed in, and for, that environment.
THE OUTDATED SOCIAL PROGRAMMING WHICH IS HOLDING YOU BACK
The old programming that many of us got loaded with in high school consisted of 2 incompatible “scripts” which don’t play nice together.
1. Stay in your league. Don’t approach the hot girl or else you get pain (mocked, beaten up, reputation damage of rejection, etc).
2. If you could (somehow) get the hot girl, people would respect you. You’d have social status in this environment which would yield permanent and lasting advantage.
It’s important to understand that both of these unconscious beliefs were 100% TRUE at the time you developed them.
That is — they were perfectly appropriate strategies to adopt in response to the unnatural and usually toxic environment that is modern compulsory secondary level education.
People talk in high school. People know you. Approaching a 10 in high school could yield permanent reputation damage if she rejects you (and major social upside if she goes for you).
Approach a 10 in a club, however, and there are ZERO permanent consequences — either positive or negative.
She rejects you? Guess what, no one gives a shit. You’ll never see any of these people again.
She sleeps with you? Likewise, there’s very little lasting social advantage. Sleeping with a 10 is not going to change your life in any way as an adult.
Time for a software update.
HOW TO MAKE APPROACHING HOT GIRLS EASY AND FUN
So we’ve established that even Victoria’s Secret models are pretty much “7”s at best when you get to know them and strip away all the makeup and sexy outfits and surgery and cosmetic enhancements.
And we’ve seen how a deeply engrained sensitivity to PERCEIVED SOCIAL HIERARCHY — developed in adolescence — can continue to stick with you and limit your actions long after it is has stopped being appropriate or useful to here-and-now reality.
So what are we left with?
When you get rid of all these illusions, why do we fundamentally desire that beautiful woman?
THE ANSWER, OF COURSE, IS SEX
What’s left — after you strip away all the programming and fear and craving for status and power — is our actual sexual desire for the girl herself.
Lust is a raw, organic natural desire — pure and uncorrupted by the defiling influence of modern civilization.
And it is LUST, my friend, that you must tap into to get the hottest women.
Lust… desire… sexual energy. Call it what you will — but now we are inarguably dealing in something like reality.
FEMININE SEXUAL ENERGY
Why is it that the so-called “10” is more sexually desirable than other girls?
What is it about a “beautiful” girl that makes you more sexually aroused, more sexually engaged, than you are with a less aesthetically appealing girl?
I want to submit that it’s her FEMININITY.
It’s her energy as a woman. It’s the sexual charge you get from being near here.
It’s her health, youth and fertility — which manifests itself in a nice body, attractive face, alluring scent (pheromones), magnetic personality, etc.
It’s her desire to make herself visually enticing — by spending hours getting ready, buying clothes that make her delightful and exciting to look at, having the discipline to exercise and eat healthy.
She’s youthful, spontaneous, exuberant, playful, submissive, a little bit erratic and crazy, in touch with her erotic side — in a word: feminine.
And 9s and 10s have, in general, a more potent and sharply defined femininity than other women. That’s fundamentally what makes them 9s or 10s.
FORGET “BEAUTY” — FOCUS ON FEMININITY
So here’s the key to getting really pretty girls:
Stop viewing women in terms of the words “beautiful”, “hot”, “attractive”, “good-looking”, “pretty” — or “ugly” and “unattractive” for that matter.
Instead, start viewing women in terms of their FEMININE ENERGY.
All women have feminine energy. Even “unattractive” girls have a fundamentally feminine core.
And if you learn to recognise it, it’s a beautiful thing.
When you focus on femininity (rather than the girl being “hot” or not) you’ll start to appreciate ALL women more.
You’ll get a charge from interacting with girls — because they provide a type of energy to you which you can’t get during work or watching TV or browsing articles online.
Paradoxically, when you stop viewing women hierarchically (e.g. “hot”, “beautiful” etc) — you’ll do a lot better with the quote-unquote “hottest girls”
You won’t be intimidated by them, or feel like they’re above you.
They’re simply very feminine girls — more feminine than other girls.
And when you view them like that — in terms of their femininity — then you’ll want to approach them.
The mentality is: “When I talk to any girl — no matter what she looks like — I get to experience and bask in her femininity, which energises me as a man. And when I approach the hottest girls, she’s even more energising to talk to. So why wouldn’t I do it?”
SEDUCING VIRGINS AND OTHER CRAZINESS
When I first started stumbled upon this idea, my game exploded — literally within days.
At the time, I had been in a long dry-spell that had gone on for months.
Two days after having this insight about approaching women for their feminine energy rather than for their hotness, I wandered into a nightclub on my own.
Three hours later I was laying in my bed drinking Glenfiddich while getting my dick sucked by a beautiful 18 year old virgin.
A week after that, I wandered into a different club on my own. Within half an hour I was being openly groped by a stunning six-foot tall black model girl, who proceeded to drag me out of the club. Her and her equally gorgeous blonde surfer chick friend then came back to my place and things got sexual.
Now, I have runs of good luck like anyone else.
But I couldn’t help but notice that these things happened as soon as I had this epiphany.
APPROACHING THE HOTTEST MOST FEMININE GIRLS FEELS BETTER THAN SEX
It’s literally like a drug.
Just go up to a super hot girl, say hi, tell her she’s cute, whatever. It doesn’t even matter how she responds. Just do it, then notice how you feel in your body immediately afterwards.
You’ll probably find yourself breathing in sharply then exhaling out like “Woooooooh!!!”
You’ll be physically shaking. Your heart will be racing.
Honestly, approaching the hottest girls is so scary that it feels like jumping out of an aeroplane. That’s what makes it so thrilling.
It’s like doing a line of cocaine.
The keyboard jockeys on here are scratching their heads, but the guys who really live this shit know exactly what I’m talking about right now.
Approaching the hottest girls gives you an exhilarating rush of sexual energy.
When you use that energy as fuel, you can access powers and possibilities which are not available in your ordinary state of consciousness.
Use women’s hotness and femininity as FUEL. It will energise and give you powers that you never thought possible.
See Part I of this post here — in which I deconstruct the 5 biggest limiting beliefs that prevent you from getting the hottest girls.
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