BY MICHAEL HAINES
Mike’s Note: I posted this on r/seduction yesterday. People seem to like it — as of today 224 people have upvoted it. I thought I’d post it here for posterity’s sake. Enjoy.
My current SO, looking friendly as always. I have a weird thing for girls who look like they would have rejected me in high school.
HOW TO ELIMINATE APPROACH ANXIETY
#1. Make approaching your only criteria for success
When you first start learning this stuff it’s easy to get overwhelmed. You’re trying to do six different things at once that you’ve seen in posts and videos (approach, flirt, joke around, tease her, show intent, venue change, etc.) The result is that you end up doing nothing.
Instead, eliminate ALL goals except the one that matters most: approaching.
When you go out as a beginner, your criteria for what constitutes a “successful night” should be only: “Did I approach?” If the answer is yes, you can count the session a success. If the answer is no, go out the next night and approach this time.
Repeat for 2 months. If you keep it this simple, you WILL eliminate approach anxiety in 8 weeks time. I promise. The key is to keep things simple.
#2. You can’t control people’s reactions. You can only control your own behaviour.
You can’t control another person’s reaction to you any more than you can control the weather.
What you CAN control is whether YOU take Right Action or not.
Think of your powers and abilities as two concentric circles, one inside the other. The inside circle is your behaviour. The outer circle is events, things which happen to you, and other people’s behaviour.
Right now, you can only influence the inner circle — whether or not you take Right Action. You cannot influence the outer circle: people’s reactions to you.
However, the more you expand the inner circle by taking Right Action, the more it will naturally begin to OVERLAP the outer circle.
Eventually you will reach a point where the inner circle completely dominates the outer circle. At this point, you constitute a man who is in complete control of his environment and can influence it however you like. This is what we call “tight game.”
In the words of Jack Nicholson in The Departed: “I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.”
However, you can only reach this point by focusing on expanding the inner circle first. In other words, the only way to increase your influence over other people is to first attain complete influence over yourself. So make taking action your one and only god.
#3. Stop waiting for the “perfect time” to approach. It’s never going to come.
There’s a saying in business: “Timid salesman have skinny kids.”
It goes double for game. There’s never going to be a time that a hot girl starts smiling at you and waves you over. It’s simply not going to happen.
Every approach you do will be imperfect. There are almost no “good opportunities” to approach. There’ll always be a reason not to.
You’ll be at a weird angle to the girl. There’ll be a guy in the set. She’ll be on her way out and stopping her might irritate her. There’ll be “too many people” nearby.
Only when you realise that there’s NEVER going to be a good opportunity to approach will you reach the point of approaching anyway. Slim chances of success? Well, guess what: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.Approach anyway.
Even 1 in 1,000 odds of sleeping with that girl are better than GUARANTEED FAILURE. And if you don’t approach, that’s the only outcome you’re going to get: failure and regret.
#4. Rejection does not exist. There is no rejection. There are only results.
Imagine yourself approaching a woman you’d like to have sex with. She doesn’t immediately react well. She seems nervous and tense, and after talking to you for a while she says she has to go and leaves.
Do you call this rejection?
If so, you’re falling prey to a cognitive bias called the “mind projection fantasy” — which is the idea that the way you see the world is the way it is, and that you’re telepathic and can read people’s minds.
In reality, all we can say about the above example is that your actions produced a result which differed from the one you intended.
To say anything else is fantasy and speculation.
To talk about “rejection” assumes you have perfect knowledge of the girl’s internal state and motivations. You do not, and CANNOT, have such knowledge.
There are a hundred reasons why a woman may not have reacted well that have nothing to do with you as a person, your social status, your sexual desirability, or your appearance.
Maybe her cat just died. Maybe she’s on meth. Maybe her back teeth are coming in and she’s in excruciating pain. You just don’t know. So to assume she walked away because she thought you were low status or too short is literally delusional. It’s actually a negative hallucination: you’re projecting your own imagined fantasies and insecurities onto other people.
Eliminate the word rejection from your vocabulary. Replace it with the word results.
And like in anything else, getting the results you want will be purely a matter of massive repetition.
One man is an expert violinist. The results he produces (the sound gets from the instrument) are exactly what he aimed for, and people adore him for the beauty he’s able to bring into the world through his music.
But when he started learning the violin he could produce only a hideous cacophony which made people hate him. He kept practicing, again and again, and eventually his brain learned the distinctions which allowed him to produce a successful result.
So it is for success with women.
Open your front door.
Go somewhere where women are.
Talk to one of them.
You could be a hideous freak, it doesn’t matter — the one thing that is absolutely certain in this world is that you will get better at anything you do repeatedly.
The time to start is now.
Want to know how to put a woman in a “sexual state” in under 30 seconds? Try my advanced seduction program, The Domination Principle — Risk FREE for 60 days