How To Have Sex With A Woman You’ve Just Met (The INSURGENT Guide To Same Day Lays)

By Mike Haines

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In this post you’re going to learn how to turn a conversation with a woman into sex, and to do so within hours — not days — of meeting her.

I’m currently in a relationship with the girl pictured left, but at my peak of being single, I was able to score new pussy about once a fortnight. I rarely hooked up with girls below an “8” in attractiveness, and pulled 9s and 10s fairly regularly.

What follows is the system I discovered for getting same night lays on command.

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Who this guide is for

This is NOT a guide on the basics of game and approaching women.

It’s written for a guy who can already:

  • approach a woman
  • hold a conversation with her
  • get enough “attraction” to get the occasional makeout or phone number, but doesn’t know how to convert to same day sex

If that’s you — this will work for you.

Beliefs

Your ability to pull “same night lays” will be determined by two things: your actions, and your beliefs.

If you hold self-limiting beliefs about sex and hooking up, it will prove immensely difficult to pull a girl home for sex within hours of meeting.

It follows that before we can get into tactics, we have to address the elephant in the room: beliefs.

Limiting Belief #1: “Get real, women aren’t going to have sex with some guy they’ve just met.”

Sex occurs 120 million times per day, according to the Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behaviour.

That’s five million sexual encounters an hour, 83 thousand a minute, 13 hundred a second.

Do you think it’s likely that every one of those couples is in a long-term committed relationship? Of course not.

Let’s say 10% of all sex occurs between people who just met an hour before. (Personally I think that’s an underestimate, if anything.)

That’s 12 million random spontaneous hookups a day.

If we estimate that 2 million of those happen between gay couples, then roughly 5 million women a day are having sex with some guy whose last name they don’t even know.

Still think it’s impossible to have sex with a woman you just met?

The reality is that it’s not a big deal. Girls go out to clubs and bars to meet guys. They get lonely and bored and want to cuddle with someone just to feel a warm human body next to them, and also potentially have sex.

If you understand that having sex with a woman you’ve just met is “not a big deal”, you’ll be less tense about it and more likely to pull.

Limiting belief #2: “A cute girl would never want to go home with me. I’m not good enough.”

You’d be surprised what passes for good enough these days.

Most guys in their twenties are such total fucking faggots that if you have high testosterone levels and can look a woman in the eye, you can clean up.

Girls are waiting for a man to come along to sweep them off their feet.

Notice I said man, not “guy”. Most males today are “guys” rather than men.

If you’re a man, you can pull girls home within hours of meeting them. Trust me. Women are so starved of masculine energy these days, they’re willing to lower their standards by a hell of a lot.

Really, you just have to approach them, stay in set long enough for them to get comfortable with you and a lot of times they’ll actually ask to come home with you. 

It’s sad actually. Millennial women find it so hard to find a man who isn’t a complete pussy that they’ll even settle for terrible, obnoxious assholes like me.

I don’t even make an effort anymore. I roll up to the club — alone — in a black hoody and black jeans with cum stains all over them, not even trying to be charming. I stand around drinking a beer, approach a few chicks, and within about an hour I’ve got women throwing themselves at me.

Why? I’m not a good looking guy. But I am a man. And men are in short supply these days.

What is a man, and how do you become one?

It’s pretty simple:

  1. Get your testosterone levels up by lifting heavy weights
  2. Look people in the eye, speak loud, and have good body language
  3. Approach girls regularly
  4. Be physically expressive (lightly touch women in a playful, inoffensive way throughout the interactions)

If you can do these four things, congratulations: you’re better than 80% of guys out there. Welcome to the top. The girl is going to be drawn to your masculine energy just as you’re irresistibly drawn to her natural femininity.

Mechanics of the same day lay

Now that we’ve got the fundamentals covered, let’s get onto the main event: the actual mechanics of taking a girl home for sex within an hour or two of meeting.

This formula for taking a girl home is called The Way of the Sly Man.

While other men devise complicated and elaborate schemes to get a girl home with them, the Sly Man knows something other men don’t.

The Sly Man is lazy. He makes less effort than other men do — yet he somehow manages to get triple their results.

The Sly Man’s method is not flashy or impressive like the Mystery Method or Julien Blanc’s style of game.

In fact, the Sly Man appears not to have very good “game” at all. He’s not very witty. He doesn’t have flashes of brilliance which leave the girl spellbound within minutes of opening her.

Yet night after night, he leaves the club with a Barbie doll blonde on his arm.

People suspect that the Sly Man is cheating, or has found some way to “hack the system”.

But they can’t figure out what he’s doing, because when they analyse his sets, he doesn’t appear to be “doing” anything.

The Way of the Sly Man can be thought of as the minimalist guide to pulling. These are the bare essentials — the simplest possible things which work to get a girl home with you.

The simplicity of this system is what makes it work so well. You don’t have to remember a dozen different techniques and concepts: you just have to get decent at 4 basic micro-skills, which together constitute the “steps” of this system. 

These are:

Step #1: Approach

Step #2: Hang out

Step #3: Lead

Step #4: Pull

Step #1: Approach her.

Keep the approach simple. Tap her on the shoulder, smile, look her in the eye and say “I’m Mike, who are you.”

Is this going to make her pussy wet?

No. The Sly Man has no interest in making a girl horny in the first minute of the conversation.

In fact, if anything, the Sly Man wishes to make the initial approach as boring as possible. He knows that women are easily spooked, like little mice, and that if he comes off as too charismatic it is only going to make the girl nervous.

As such, the Sly Man wants to come in under the radar.

He might approach with the following:

  • Hi I’m Mike, how you doing
  • You’re adorable, what’s your name
  • I love your outfit, it’s very nice

Simple stuff. Nothing flashy. Nothing complicated.

Another thing you can do is to lightly hug the girl off the approach. Not sexually — just in a friendly, positive-dominant way.

This establishes the frame that you’re not afraid of her, and that you’re able to get physical. Very important. 

Step #2: Hang out

A woman can’t become attracted to you until she’s familiar with you. This means that attraction is impossible in the first 10 minutes of the interaction, let alone the first 10 seconds.

The Sly Man knows a secret that other men don’t know. He knows that a woman cannot become attracted to a man she doesn’t know. It’s simply physiologically impossible.

He also know, however, that there’s a flipside to this. If he stays with the girl for a long enough period of time, she will inevitably grow attracted to him.

He knows this because he is a man, and she’s a woman. And men and women are meant to get together, like a key and a lock.

Time is your ally

As Alexander expressed it, “The God Particle, the dark matter that makes all of seduction work, is the understanding that TIME IS YOUR ALLY.”

The longer the girl spends with you, the more relaxed she will become. And only when she’s relaxed around you can she begin to become attracted and aroused.

This is precisely the thing that most men do not understand. They think women think like they do.

A man sees a woman and he’s immediately attracted or not.

For women, attraction is more complex. If there are 100 guys reading this post right now, I can assure you that nearly every one of you is potentially attractive to a woman.

Women like men. They like “male-ness”.

But of those 100 guys, the one the girl is going to go home with is the one she has the best relationship with. In other words, the one she’s spent the most time with.

Don’t believe me?

Look around next time you’re at the club. Do the hottest women always leave with the best looking guys?

Not by a long shot. Often you’ll see some of the hottest girls leaving the club with fairly dorky little guys. She could have any guy there but she chose him. Why?

The answer is because she knows him. Either they knew each other from before, or they met that night but spent so much time together she now feels totally familiar with him.

Even if that girl would logically prefer to go home with the jacked tall guy, she’s not going to — because she doesn’t feel comfortable around him. He’s a stranger.

She feels comfortable with the dorky guy, because they know each other, and so she’ll end up sleeping with the dorky guy, and potentially having a relationship with him.

So take all the pressure off. Don’t try to impress, or attract. Understand that time is your ally, and simply stay in set. Nature will do the rest of the work of attracting her.

“Premature ejaculation”

Most guys find it very difficult to just hang out with a girl. They feel like they’ve got to impress her with witty game and hilarious banter.

When they “run out of things to say”, they leave set. They literally “reject themselves”.

After approach anxiety, “premature ejaculation” (leaving the set for no reason) is the single worst bad habit you must eliminate if you wish to sleep with hot girls the same day you meet them.

It’s tough at first. You’re standing in front of a girl. The conversation has gone dry. You can’t think of a thing to say. The silence is deafening. She looks bored and awkward.

How do you overcome this? You have to learn to Fluff Talk.

Fluff talk

After approaching, learning to “fluff” is the single most important skill you’ll develop in game in the context of same day sex.

Look at it like this:

In the first 30 minutes of the interaction, your aim is not to attract the girl. Your aim is to relax the girl.

In other words, your goal is simply to calm her down, to allow her to become comfortable with you. She’ll appear tense and indifferent in the beginning as a result of being self-conscious, but if you stay in set, she’ll gradually start to relax and become warm and affectionate towards you.

What you say doesn’t even have to be good. It doesn’t matter if it’s not funny — just so long as it’s light and playful and it keeps the conversation flowing.

Here’s how my interactions with women I later sleep with look:

Me: Hi I’m Mike, who are you.

Girl: Hi.

Me: I like your shoes. They kind of look like clown shoes. No, I’m just kidding they’re nice.

Girl: Haha shut up!

Me: I was just at the beach, it was so amazing. I hate this club. I wish I was back at the beach.

Girl: Omg I know! I love the beach

Me: I think I’ve seen you here before. You used to have blue hair, right?

Girl: Haha no I never had blue hair, that wasn’t me.

Me: Don’t worry, you don’t have to lie, I think the blue hair suits you.

Girl: I’ve never had blue hair in my life, what’s wrong with you?!!?

Me: Settle down. I’m just fucking around. I bet you go to college at [XYZ University], right?

Girl: I do…

It usually goes on like this for about an hour or two and eventually I bring her home with me and we have sex.

Good game? No. Witty and clever? No. But effective? Yes. 

Now you’re probably looking at that and thinking… WTF? That’s retarded. How is this turning the girl on?

The answer is it’s not. The purpose of conversation is not to turn her on but simply to be a calming influence on her. To disarm her defensiveness and skepticism. To put her at ease. And you do this by being a little bit childish.

Think of how you talk to a girlfriend. Goofy, innocent, light-hearted conversation. You’re not trying to impress — you’re barely even aware of what you’re talking about.

Do you “run out of things to say” with your own girlfriend, or with your friends? Of course not. So be the same way when talking to girls in the bar — in fact if anything dumb it down even more.

Lower your standards for what’s “good enough” to say. In fact, destroy the standards altogether and just spout random nonsense if you like, like you’d do if you were talking to a small child. It’s calming to the girl. It puts her at ease around you.

How to develop your “embarrassment resistance muscle”

You can’t get a same night lay if you leave set. You need to spend at least 45 minutes or longer with a girl for her to be comfortable going home with you.

This is a problem for many guys learning game, because they simply cannot stay in set. It literally pains them to do it.

But do it they must, because if you’re only having short interactions and never building a longer “relationship” with the women you approach, you’ll neither get sex nor solid numbers.

Start small at first. Next time you’re in set and you want to leave, just force yourself to stay one additional minute.

It’s hard. There’s pressure to leave. The girl is looking around like she wants you to go.

Just stay in there for a minute longer than is comfortable. Talk about anything. If you can’t think of something, then just stand there.

Next time, stay in a little longer. The next time, stay in set longer still.

It’s like building a muscle. Little by little, you’ll build up your “embarrassment resistance muscle”. And then you’ll be able to comfortably stay in set for hours and just talk shit endlessly.

Step #3: Lead her around physically (venue change)

Leading is incredibly important for getting the same night lay.

What do I mean by “leading”? Soon after meeting a girl, take her by the hand and bring her with you to a different area of the bar.

Don’t ask. Just lead.

This seems kind of “weird”, but girls will usually come with you without asking questions. If she resists or refuses to come, simply say:

  • “Let’s get a drink at the bar.”
  • “Come with me to the dancefloor”
  • “Let’s go outside for a cigarette.”
  • “Come with me. I want to get some fresh air.”

It’s important here to command, not request. Girls don’t like being asked. They like being told. It makes them feel like they’re with a man who knows what he’s doing. It also signals that you’re good in bed.

Time distortion

Lead the girl around to different areas of the club constantly. If you meet her in the day, lead her to different spots — different cafes, shops, parks, etc.

Motion creates emotion.

The more different environments you experience together, the more attached to you the girl will feel. The vibe becomes one of a “couple” or a “team”, rather than two independent people. 

Bringing the girl around with you also triggers something called “time distortion”. The more different things you do with a person, the more time it feels like you’ve spent with them.

For example, you could sit in one cafe with a girl and talk for two hours. By the end of it, she might know you a little better, but you’ll still feel like “some guy” she just met.

But spend the same two hours doing lots of different activities with her — window shopping together, meeting your friend, having a beer at an outdoor cafe, sitting in the park, etc — and by the end of it she’ll practically feel like you’re already dating.

This is very powerful. Most girls don’t want to have the self-image of going home with a guy they just met, so the more you can give her the “intuitive feeling” that you’ve spent a lot of time together, the easier it will be to pull her.

You do this by LEADING. Lead early on, and lead constantly. Lock arms with her and bring her to a different area of the bar. Then a different one. Then a different one.

By the time you take her hand to pull her out of the club, she’ll reflexively obey. You’ve already established that rhythm so it doesn’t feel jarring or unexpected.

Secrets of the 15 minute pull

If you get good at leading women around constantly, it will sometimes even happen that you end up going home and having sex within as little as 10-15 minutes of meeting.

This has only happened to me a few times — but you better believe that every time it did, it was a direct result of me leading the girl around to many different areas of the club.

When you do that, 15 minutes together can feel like an hour. Then when you invite the girl home, there’s a lot less resistance because she feels like she’s seen you in enough different “contexts” that she has a pretty good read on the type of guy you are.

For a woman to have sex with you, she must feel like she knows you.

Emblazon the following maxim into your brain:

Women don’t have sex with the most attractive guy. The have sex with the guy they have the best relationship with. (Credit: Alex)

Step #4: Create a “slippery slide” from the club to your bed

Imagine yourself sitting at the top of a slide in a playground. The length of the slide has been greased with baby oil. So have the side rails.

As your body starts to slide down, you try to halt your descent, but it’s too slippery. There’s nothing to hold onto to slow the momentum created by gravity and you find yourself irresistibly pulled all the way to the bottom.

This is how the women you meet must experience the process of ending up in your bedroom.

One thing leads to another until inevitably she finds herself back at your place, enjoying a drink with you alone and getting horny. How did she get here? She doesn’t really know. She can’t pinpoint any particular moment when she decided to come back — all she knows is that one thing led to another until she found herself naked in your bed and nuzzled up to your chest.

Where most guys screw up

They ask the girl straight up: “Wanna come back to my place?” or “Wanna Netflix and chill?”

This kind of request will usually get rejected, first because you’re “asking” not leading, which is a turn off.

Second, because even if the girl does want to go home with you, she doesn’t want to seem like a slut, so she’ll say no to preserve her dignity and avoid feeling ashamed.

Don’t force her to make a decision

Leaving the club to go home with a guy she just met is a major decision. Decisions are scary. People don’t like making them.

Instead, bring her though a series of “micro-decisions” which are so small that they’re easy to say yes to — and which lead her inevitably closer and closer to your bedroom.

This is how you create the slippery slide.

Example:

  1. While in the bar with the girl, take her arm in yours and lead her to the front door.
  2. If she resists, say, “My friends just texted me, they’re at the front door, let’s go meet them quickly and then bounce back here!”
  3. By the time you get to the front-door, look at your phone and tell the girl  “Damn, looks like my friends left. They’re over at the pizza place across the road. I’m starving, let’s go eat. Then we’ll pop right back here. Make sure you keep your band so you can get back in.”
  4. The girl will say yes, because this isn’t a big ask, and because you’re giving her plausible deniability to leave the club with you. Think about it. If one of her friends later says, “Why did you leave with that guy?” she can tell them, “We just left to get food. But then one thing led to another and…”
  5. Have food with the girl. You’re now on what’s called a “mini-date”. It should now prove immensely easier to get her back to your place. Suggest “popping by” your apartment for a drink.
  6. Don’t make it a big ask. Just invite her over for “one drink” and imply that she’ll be leaving afterwards.

The way you phrase this request is very important.

I’m not a fan of pre-prepared scripts and routines when picking up girls, but at this key transitional moment in the interaction, you need to be prepared in advance with a smooth transition.

For a long time, I would just blurt something out like, “hey wanna come back to my place for a drink?” Or, “Wanna Netflix and chill?”

But then the girl would give me an objection like “I’m not that kind of girl”, or “I can’t tonight, I have to get up early tomorrow”.

Suddenly I’d become deflated like a burst balloon. The rejection took the wind out of me — I just didn’t know how to come back from it once she’d refused my first request. 

If you’re interested, I’ve created a short 1-page “cheat sheet” which will give you the word-for-word script that I now use to get any woman to come home with me.

This simple script is only 9 sentences long, but it uses a covert hypnosis technique known as “pacing and leading” which makes it practically impossible for a woman to say no to staying the night at your place. 

Curious? Just enter your name and email below for instant access to the free cheat sheet.

Get my 9-sentence “script” for getting nearly any woman to come home with me (even if we just met less than an hour before)

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9 thoughts on “How To Have Sex With A Woman You’ve Just Met (The INSURGENT Guide To Same Day Lays)”

  1. I’ve been reading a lot of articles by pickup artists and in most cases I was shocked how bad their advice was (no wonder so many guys act like jerks when they try to get women).
    Your approach to all this thing is very different, much more gentle and much more respectful. There’s a good chance it will work 8 times out of 10.

    Being a woman, I don’t encourage guys to pick up different girl every night, but it is what it is, we all know what works for us and I am not here to judge. At the end of the day, I would rather get approached by a guy who uses your tactics than some jerk who comes to me and says “wow, I like your boobs, wanna go to my place?”

    Good work, Mike Haines, teach guys how to behave 🙂
    As you said in your previous articles, persistence wins, but always remind them that ‘no’ means ‘no’, and if, by the end of the nigh, she’s too drunk to know what she’s doing, better stay away.

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